My New Goal In Life

Everybody has a calling in their life. George Washington was to lead a country to indepedence. Adolf Hitler was to find a Final Solution to the Jewish Question. While one may be more important than the other and personally I don't mind living under British rule... I have found my new goal in life...I want to be in an issue of Cosmo.

I think the whole reason of wanting to be in Cosmo is pretty self-explanatory, if you want to look at an example look at Scott Brown of Massachusetts. Twenty years ago he was in Cosmo, now he's the senator-elect for Massachusetts. So I figure with my good looks and appearing in Cosmo, in twenty years I could be president. And isn't that the whole point of the American Dream, doesn't every kid want to grow up to be president of the country, even the ones that were born in Kenya. Well, Cosmo is the fastest route to Washington, DC.

Even if I don't have a photoshoot with the magazine, I could still dispense my knowledge of what guys think about girls to the huddled masses. Sitting in economics class instead of understanding the concepts of supply and demand, I think about the equilibrium point of girls. I know I don't stand alone in this but for guys there is a equilibrium point of trying to find hot girls and slutty girls. So we make a compromise of hot for trashy to take home; I do this all the time.

Number of Girls I've Taken Home: 0

I think this example of the equilibrium point is what I'll use next week on the test.

So back to my original thought...I want to be in Cosmo. So with your help: write to Cosmo, call the office, or throw a Molotov cocktail throught someone's window. But get me into the magazine.

Back in the USSR

You know...a lot of people forget that Vince Vaughn was in the movie Rudy. And I just wanted to point that out.

But to start out, last week I had an echogram which is an ultrasound for the heart. Now, I will never know the feeling of pregnancy, but seeing my heart on the sound can pretty much compare to looking at a fetus. To see the valves opening and letting blood out and letting new blood in was pretty crazy. And its also comforting to know that I shouldn't have a heart attack anytime soon. And more importantly, unless by some weird twist of fate, just like how some girls can have testicles...I will be so pissed if I have ovaries.

Friday on the other hand was pretty crappy. I found out my parents had to put our oldest dog down because she was over fifteen years old and herheart was never going to give out even though every other body function was quitting. So I assume all dogs go to heaven or Disney lied to me.

Later on that night, things would take a turn for the worse. Apparently last year during the aptly named Trailer Trash Bash, I was doing what I normally do and was shouting obscenities and being like a kid with tourette's syndrome. Well...I guess during the course of the night, I told a girl who was laying in front of house (now why was she laying in the front of the house, you may ask, who knows) to go find a ditch and pass away. On Friday, she found out who I was and things were slightly awkward. And by awkward, I mean things are less awkward on the Maury Show when the girl-finds-out-she-doesn't-who-her-baby's-daddy-is, illustrated here. But things were terrible that night and mainly because somehow I became the voice of the reason among our group. Yet, somehow I got kicked out of the house...weird.

So that's been the highlight of the past few days as I try to catch up on schoo work...haha just kidding, as I try to catch up on blogging. And by the way Mischler, you're welcome.



Finally, a shout out to Osama bin Laden. If you haven't heard his latest video makes fun of the U.S. for global warming. He must have not gotten the news that the information about global warming is pretty much false. It's like he's living in a cave...