The Night I Should Have Died

There are two nights that I should have I died: the night that I blacked out on vodka at 9:30 while playing Mario Kart and the night at Beach Week I. Of course the latter story is funnier than the first one.

It had to have been early in the week because this was the first time that I had formally introduced myself to the other vacationers in our area. Later in the week, GB, Poop, and Shotgun would introduce themselves later in the week, but I introduced myself early as the first of these guys.

I'm not sure if it was on a dare or a bet or an adventure, but I left the condo with the intention of going another condo to find a light for my black n' mild. The following events took place during an hour span but for some reason I thought it took about five minutes. I walked over to the loudest condo I could find which under the circumstances was pretty hard because "Summer of 69" by Bryan Adams shook the complex. But I walk in and I thought this happened immediately but I guess I could have been in there for about forty minutes. I get a light from some guy who also looked like he didn't belong at a high school party. As soon as the lighter had made contact with the end of the tobacco and a puff of smoke rose into the air, some girl politely tells me to extinguish it. Granted that I had been consuming my fair share of malt beverages during the entire day, my response went like this:

SHUT UP B&*$# I'M FUDGING LEAVING

Much like how anytime RJ or Gorbachev come out of the closet, the music came to immediate screeching stop and everybody looked at me. Sensing the upcoming awkwardness, I started to run out the door before I ran into a timid looking girl who was blocking my escape. This is when the next thing I said sounded bad:

GET OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE I PUT THIS OUT IN YOUR FACE

I ran out the door and onto the balcony with youthful abandon and looked across the way to our balcony to show my victory of a lit black n' mild. Unfortunately, out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked to be an angry mob coming after me. This wasn't just a bunch of high school kids, it was a full blown angry mob you see in the old movies with pitchforks and torches. I ran inside our room just as they came out demanding my whereabouts. I would like to believe that if my name was Jesus, they would have crucified me.

After that night, there was a very uneasy tension between our group and basically everybody else in the hotel. But luckily I did not die that night.
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Oh, and I also want to apologize for my facebook messing up and sending everybody viruses and junk. Coming soon, a new STD-free facebook account for all my fans.
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